I'm just going to let myself cry...

What are you supposed to do with your head and your heart when you can't be with someone anymore? How are you supposed to untrain yourself to not think about them all day long- to catch yourself wondering if they'd like this or that if you're at a store, or what they'd think of the new song you just wrote, or if they'd think something was as funny as you did? When IS love a choice and why do we have to choose not to- are we supposed to try to erase everything or somehow magically grow a new persepective? When everything reminds you of that other person and you find yourself doing the things without even thinking- like saying certain phrases or reacting a certain way- in exactly the same manner that you know the person who shared your heart would have done, you realize that they are a part of you. You are supposed to say goodbye to a part of yourself...? What if the only choices were numb and sad and then a wierd combination of things that didn't make any sense. What if... I just want to let myself feel whatever the heck I'm feeling right now. I think I've dehydrated my eyes enough for one night so I'll curl up and sing to Jesus. We had a good singing session tonite already.

There’s a place of quiet stillness ‘tween the light and shadows reach
Where the hurting and the hopeless seek everlasting peace
Words of men and songs of angels whisper comfort bittersweet
Mending grief and life eternal where joy and sorrow meet

There is a place where hope remains
In crowns of thorns and crimson stains
And tears that fall on Jesus’ feet
Where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place the lost surrender and the weary will retreat
Full of grace and mercy tender in times of unbelief
For the wounded there is healing, strength is given to the weak
Broken hearts find love redeeming where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place of thirst and hunger where the roots of faith grow deep
And there is rain and rolling thunder when the road is rough and steep
There is hope in desperation there is victory in defeat
At the cross of restoration where joy and sorrow meet

Avalon