Ange "the cat" Mandel

A Walk on the Wilde Side

2007-03-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Blog That!

A Walk in the Parkl - Coming to a Stage Near You!

2007-03-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

Aren't we hot?!

Wait... your wings aren't grown yet!

2007-01-29T13:04:00.001-08:00

Title: Wait! Your Wings Are Not Grown

The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to
the soul that seeketh Him.
LAMENTATIONS 3:25

BE patient till your wings are grown. I fear very
much that you are too vehement and headlong in
your wishes and attempts to fly. You see the
beauty of spiritual light and good resolutions;
you fancy that you have almost attained, and your
ardor is redoubled; you rush forward, but in
vain, for your Master has chained you to your
perch, or else it is that your wings are not
grown; and this constant excitement exhausts your
strength. You must indeed strive to fly, but
gently, without growing eager or restless. You
resign yourself, but it is always with a BUT; you
want this and that, and you struggle to get it. A
simple wish is no hindrance to resignation; but a
palpitating heart, a flapping of wings, an
agitated will, and endless, quick, restless
movements are unquestionably caused by deficient
resignation. Do you know what you must do? You
must be willing not to fly, since your wings are
not yet grown. Do not be so eager with your vain
desires, do not even be eager in avoiding
eagerness; go on quietly in your path--it is a
good path.
ST. FRANCIS DE SALES

Wait... your wings aren't grown yet!

2007-01-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

Title: Wait! Your Wings Are Not Grown

The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to
the soul that seeketh Him.
LAMENTATIONS 3:25

BE patient till your wings are grown. I fear very
much that you are too vehement and headlong in
your wishes and attempts to fly. You see the
beauty of spiritual light and good resolutions;
you fancy that you have almost attained, and your
ardor is redoubled; you rush forward, but in
vain, for your Master has chained you to your
perch, or else it is that your wings are not
grown; and this constant excitement exhausts your
strength. You must indeed strive to fly, but
gently, without growing eager or restless. You
resign yourself, but it is always with a BUT; you
want this and that, and you struggle to get it. A
simple wish is no hindrance to resignation; but a
palpitating heart, a flapping of wings, an
agitated will, and endless, quick, restless
movements are unquestionably caused by deficient
resignation. Do you know what you must do? You
must be willing not to fly, since your wings are
not yet grown. Do not be so eager with your vain
desires, do not even be eager in avoiding
eagerness; go on quietly in your path--it is a
good path.
ST. FRANCIS DE SALES

A Couple of more Pics...

2007-01-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

h the

And the legend lives on... on my last day at the orphanage for this time around I hung out all around the mission, taking photos, cleaning up, and mostly hanging out with the kids in the Cuna... Lorena doesn't look too happy in the photo but I have some sweet videos of her smiling and giggling away... she laughed up a storm and sat on my lap having a half english and half spanish conversation about small books we were reading about elephants and King Solomon (not all in one book!
Oh... and this is me and Matt in his element- the all too famous warehouse where it all happens... good times!Q

Some words from the front

2007-01-02T23:35:00.000-08:00

So we are back in San Diego for some days of relaxing and touristy type things after a week in Mexico where it is nice and sunny and hot (but not all the time, at night it gets pretty cold down there by the ocean and so we had to wear sweats, etc) but I had a blast... I just loved the freedom to play with the kids, to meet great new staff members (like Noame, Mike, Dan and hook up with old Peeps like Matt Street and the ever-famous biking pair, Brent and Mary GB! I love it down here and wish that I could stay a lot longer... this past week I have gotten to do garbage runs to the dump, help in the "cuna" ( the nursery), spend a couple of days taking care of the newborn babies, celebrate New Years el Mexican style (complete with a beach house firework party with pop-up confetti streamers), go on an aventurous bikeride, do the morning devotional talk for the mission, participate in child-evangelism, go to church in Spanish a few times, and get to know some awesome people... tommorow, it's Seaworld! More to come...

Take that First Step...

2006-12-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

It seems as though once again, April Sisson finds the magical words to say, right when you need them...

"Sometimes you just have to choose to begin."Leap and the net will appear," we are promised. All we have to do is take that first step off the ledge. Boldness does have a certain magic to it. It's something that goes way beyond "if you can see it, you can be it" - although I have no doubt that that is true as well. A leap of faith requires more then just a jump; it requires the ability to absolutely let go of everything that's keeping us on the ledge, including that voice that says it just can't be done.If we feel we have to wait for just the right time and place to come and worship, we have yet to discover the real freedom of worship. Now isn't necessarily the time to worship because every moment is the time to worship. We are called to passionately embrace our God at every turn, through every minute, and in every way possible. If music is your worship, sing loudly. If service is your worship, serve extravagantly. If just being is your worship, live boldly. Jump into worship as bravely as you can jump into life, because the reality is, they are one and the same. Living every moment for the glory of God and to the glory if God is a never-ending adventure that, once begun, you'll never want to end. Don't wait until the moment is just right or you'll spend your life sitting on the shore watching for that never-to-come perfect wave. Carpe diem, as they say Seize every moment and dive on in. The water is fine.What keeps you from letting go of everything and truly worshiping God?I hope that you have a wonderful day.. and that today you can take a huge leap of faith.. jump into the water and see what God has for you!!"

Parlez Vous Francais... Encore?

2006-12-19T12:07:00.000-08:00

Hey Cats...

I might have the opportunity to go to Africa this summer, in a pilot program with Pioneers Canada to learn about Missions first- hand. I've applied to a mentorship-type program where I would get to do online course work for 8 months starting in February learning things like Spiritual Formation, Leadership and Development, Cultural Issues and Missions Issues... I would get to glean off of 14 others form Across Canada who are of a simliar place in life- just graduated, or in the process of finishing school and who are thinking that they might want to go into full-time missions one day or be involved in short -term work. It's something that I am really excited about and hope that I get in. One of the places that they go to is Senegal, a French speaking Nation in Africa... it would be SO SWEET to get to go there. I have wanted to go to Africa for missions work ever since I was a little girl and it seems that now perhaps the time is nigh... pray for this if you think about it:)

Wait and be renewed...

2006-12-13T23:14:00.000-08:00












WAIT on the Lord in humility of heart, that thou
mayest daily feel the change which is wrought in
the heart and conscience by the holy, eternal,
ever-living Power; and so thou mayest witness,
"that which is born of the Spirit, is spirit."
And then thou wilt feel that this birth of the
Spirit cannot fulfil the lusts of the flesh, but
will be warring and fighting the good fight
against them; and thus, in faithfulness to the
truth, and waiting upon the Lord, thou shalt
witness an overcoming, in His due time. Oh, the
conquering faith, the overcoming life and power
of the Spirit! We cannot but speak of those
things; and cry up the perfect gift, and the
power of Him, who is not only able to perfect His
work in the heart, but delights so to do; and
even to tread down Satan under the feet of those
that wait in patience for the perfect conquest.
ISAAC PENINGTON

Sacrifice

2006-12-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

A new look on sacrifice is in this quote that just came in my daily devotional... I have come to realize that I love doing drama and the things that are giving of yourself- like pouring your heart out into something like teaching and being with SOOO many kids can be super rewarding and doesn't have to be something that you go grudgingly to....

"THAT is what our sacrifice of ourselves shouldbe--"full of life." Not desponding, morbid,morose; not gloomy chilly, forbidding; notlanguid, indolent, inactive; but full of life,and warmth, and energy; cheerful, and makingothers cheerful; gay, and making others gay;happy, and making others happy; contented, andmaking others contented; doing good, and makingothers do good, by our lively vividvitality,--filling every corner of our own soulsand bodies, filling every corner of the circle inwhich we move, with the fresh life-blood of awarm, genial, kindly Christian heart. Doubtlessthis requires a sacrifice; it requires us to giveup our own comfort, our own ease, our ownfiresides, our dear solitude, our own favoriteabsorbing pursuits, our shyness, our reserve, ourpride, our selfishness." ARTHUR P. STANLEY

Housewarming...

2006-12-07T17:08:00.000-08:00

Housewarming Friday Nite at 8pm... be there or be square...

A Poem from my Friend April...

2006-11-29T22:35:00.000-08:00

This is a copy of the poem that my friend April sent to me yesterday... it has some good thoughts to say and digest, I think:

The Gift Of Love

Everyone longs to give herself completely to someone To have a deep soul relationship with another to be loved thoroughly and exclusively...But god says No! not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and contented with being loved by me alone. with giving yourself totally unreserved to me, in having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone. Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, THEN will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that i have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusively of anyone or anything else, exclusively of any desire or longing I want you to have the best. please allow me to bring it to you...you just keep watching me expecting the greatest thing. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I give...keep listening and learning the things I tell you...just wait.. that's all.. don't be anxious.. don't worry! Don't look around at the things others have gotten.. or that I give them, don't look at the things you think you want...just keep looking off and away...up to me! Or you'll miss what I want to show you... And then I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than anything you could ever dream of.. you'll see...until you are ready and the one I have prepared for you is ready...I am working ever at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you.. You won't be able to experience the true love that is thus The Perfect Love...and Dear One, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me... and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself...know that I love you utterly... I am El Shaddai.. (God almighty most loving) Believe it and be satisfied...

Homeless...Revival....Canada

2006-11-28T13:00:00.000-08:00

As I live in this cold and windy country these days, I am thinking about how much we need to pray for our country and do those simple things that make a difference- like offering food to the homeless like Jay and Danielle do every week. I was challenged the other night at a Spanish Service to pray for my country for 15 minutes a day- I did and it was amazing the amount of freedom, power, and how much I could sense that the Spirit has such a heart for this country- for reconciliation, for revival, to see his people change to know Him. How much difference can we make as His people when we actively choose to BE WITH HIM, to love him, to listen to those little nudgings in your heart that reveal the Heart of the One who is in us. It makes a WORLD of difference. We are free to see things in a whole new light, to relize our own shortcomings and to focus on what really matters- which is being close to our creator. I pray this for this nation. That we could reconcile our lives to God's- to know Him as our Lord and Kind and also then as our Friend... to build up a relationship of Love and humility- He is the Lord. Amen!

Something to Ponderosa

2006-11-28T07:24:00.001-08:00

"IT is true that love cannot be forced, that it
cannot be made to order, that we cannot love
because we ought, or even because we want. But we
can bring ourselves into the presence of the
lovable. We can enter into Friendship through the
door of Discipleship; we can learn love through
service; and the day will come to us also, when
the Master's word will be true, "I call you no
longer servant, but friend."
HUGH BLACK

These Chinese Characters mean "love" and "wisdom"

I'm just going to let myself cry...

2006-11-23T22:58:00.000-08:00

What are you supposed to do with your head and your heart when you can't be with someone anymore? How are you supposed to untrain yourself to not think about them all day long- to catch yourself wondering if they'd like this or that if you're at a store, or what they'd think of the new song you just wrote, or if they'd think something was as funny as you did? When IS love a choice and why do we have to choose not to- are we supposed to try to erase everything or somehow magically grow a new persepective? When everything reminds you of that other person and you find yourself doing the things without even thinking- like saying certain phrases or reacting a certain way- in exactly the same manner that you know the person who shared your heart would have done, you realize that they are a part of you. You are supposed to say goodbye to a part of yourself...? What if the only choices were numb and sad and then a wierd combination of things that didn't make any sense. What if... I just want to let myself feel whatever the heck I'm feeling right now. I think I've dehydrated my eyes enough for one night so I'll curl up and sing to Jesus. We had a good singing session tonite already.

There’s a place of quiet stillness ‘tween the light and shadows reach
Where the hurting and the hopeless seek everlasting peace
Words of men and songs of angels whisper comfort bittersweet
Mending grief and life eternal where joy and sorrow meet

There is a place where hope remains
In crowns of thorns and crimson stains
And tears that fall on Jesus’ feet
Where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place the lost surrender and the weary will retreat
Full of grace and mercy tender in times of unbelief
For the wounded there is healing, strength is given to the weak
Broken hearts find love redeeming where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place of thirst and hunger where the roots of faith grow deep
And there is rain and rolling thunder when the road is rough and steep
There is hope in desperation there is victory in defeat
At the cross of restoration where joy and sorrow meet

Avalon

It's called Breaking -up because...

2006-11-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I can say that the last couple of days have been filled with a lot of different emotions- of which being in a strange state of numb has been the most predominant, tears next in line, followed by a myriad of others including peace, release, sadness, and comfort. Breaking up is so strange- letting go you always just want to hold onto something and as you came to pick up your stuff everything seemed so final- yet not as we watched movies and laughed and chatted like good friends. I was looking for pics to express how I was feeling and found this one because it reminded me of a play that we had to read in one of my English Lit courses- called the "Occupation of Heather Rose" about a young and ambitious girl who goes to be a nurse way up north in Ontario and ends up growing up in so many ways, going through things that she never thought she would have to go through and learning through the bittersweet- things get pretty rough in the winter time and everyone is just waiting for the time called "break up" where the winter ice starts to break away from the trees and the life and starts to melt away so that spring can come again- almost a coming into joy, but having to go through something to get there. Those are my reflections of the moment. Being with David was one of the greatest and hardest things I've ever done- I think you learn so much of who you are yourself in a relationship. Things that you never knew you had that could be great (like joy, learning to accept love, to be appreciated, to be pursued, and to have someone walk through difficult times of healing with you, but also to laugh, to learn, and to love) and things in yourself that you desire to come to the light (like pushing through conflict and learning to balance independance with the desire to be with the person that means the world to you). I have to smile as I write these things- thanks for calling me muffin, muffin... and for starting me on the road to driving standard (easy, easy now:)) And thanks to amigos that listen, love, and tell you what's what when you need it.

LOVE

2006-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

These are some pics from Lisa and I's trip to the Oregon Coast... SO GORGEOUS. I'd like to think of it as a story... God gives us His love which is phenominally bigger than this ocean... We can go with our arms open wide into his love... He loves us so much that we can have shelter in his wings: we can't get any closer to His love than that... and even when our problems seem like this massive rock that take up the whole picture- we just have to go back to the beginning where it all started- those are the same rocks in the background, only surrounded by HIS LOVE they make a beautiful picture... GOD IS LOVE!

Stranger than fiction

2006-11-17T23:58:00.000-08:00

I will commentate (or should I say narrate) my day in the traditional fashion that was Animaniacs...

Good Idea- going down to the staff room to get some free chocolate bars to bribe your grade 9's into doing a good job on their homework

Bad Idea- Thinking that they could be alone for two minutes without a yelling fistfight breaking out with a desk turned over and pulling them into the hall to deal with them

Good Idea- Buying 2 new tables for the house at a great price that look fantastic when they are put together

Bad Idea- Trying to put the 2 tables together

Good Idea - Going for a cheap hair cut at the Utopia hair school where they usually do a stellar job

Bad Idea- having the hairdresser say "Um, I'm not comfortable with that" and then keep cutting... and cutting.... and cutting

Good Idea- having her instructor come over and fix the job all over

Bad Idea- Fixing it by cutting it even shorter so that it is at least 3 -4 inches shorter than it needed to be

Good Idea- Going to Curves to work out at a moderate 30 minute workout scheme

Bad Idea- your boyfriend thinking he can play squash all week and then go to volleyball and pound the ball with the same arm

Good Idea- hanging out with friends

Bad Idea- Umm... nope- no bad ones there:) Especially watching "Stranger than Fiction" - I absolutely LOVED that movie- it was so good- funny and yet still artsy and different than the norm... it was great.

Prayer

2006-11-14T02:31:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what prayer will do and that is what I am choosing to believe in faith this very moment. Around the beginning of September I felt like I was finally getting back on my feet again. After a long bout of doing my own thing and trying to live life the way that I thought I wanted it- a relationship that went downhill, Quebec and all of it's entertainment I went to Mexico where I got a piece of my heart back... where God opened up my eyes to what used to be and to what my heart could look like. What his heart looks like- caring for the orphans (literally), praising him without reserve, thanking him for new believers, and blessing people with food and clothes. I came back so afraid that I would go back to the life that I once knew- one that felt dead, that felt so distant from God. I was sick enough of how I had been living to do something drastic- and I did. I went back to church, I started to pray- and I meant it- I was walking on Spirtual Air and that's also right around the time when blessing after blessing poured into my life- job offers out the wahzoo, a new roomate and the prospect of moving out on my own, meeting a wonderful guy who cares for me SO MUCH, living life in joy and being able to talk to and encourage people with JOY and mean it. The key to all of this seemed to be in being with God and pouring myself into him- in prayer, in all that I did, in my way of looking at life.
After Quebec I felt so selfish- I had bought so many clothes and spent lots of money on, well, whatever I wanted- food, going out, going to frivoulous things like festival after show after whatever all else activity happened to be going on. And then Mexico where I lived in dirt. I took everything that I needed in one small suitcase instead of my overstuffed 2 plus carryons. I lived and played with the kids and hung out with people and the thing that stuck out to me the most was how greatful everyone was there. No matter how long they had been there, it seemed, they were greatful each and every week for the visitors that came in and made a differece helping out wherever they could. I would walk from the warehouse to the printshop and there would be someone else just thanking me for what I could do and for being there. I was blown away- especially after having lived at Laval for a month where it seemed like Gossip was eating us all alive and dissention wreaked havoc everywhere.
The point being- my life was changed and I wasn't even expecting it- I went there on a whim. So all this is a preface for me to question where I am at today. The other night, Dave and I went to Fire and Freedom at CLA in Langley. It was nothing short of amazing. There were people just dancing and singing and we could be there and sing at the top of our lungs an no one would even blink an eye- and even if they would have it felt so free that for the first time in a long time I could honestly say, "Who cares?" I danced. I danced for and with Jesus and it was SO GOOD. I felt so hungry and so thirsty I realized that I have been spiritually starving myself for so long. God is that God- the one who brings joy and peace and who lifts us up. The minute we walked in there we could just feel the power of the spirit so much that we sang just as hard all the way home.
So why all of this chaos in my head? Where does all of that joy go? Why am I so constantly plagued with anxiety and worry and why do I take it out on other people like I do? I screw up- yes and everyone does, but why do I constantly feel the need to point the accusational finger at myself until I completly shut down and keep people out of my life? Psalm 103:9,14 alludes to the fact that "God will not constantly accuse us... for He understands how weak we are; He knows we are only dust." If I can extend grace to drug dealers and homeless people that I meet on the street and the hundreds of people that I have been involved doing ministry for- why can't I seem to extend it to myself and to those close ones around me. It's like I'm this expert wall builder whose the angry type that is constantly yelling at his workers to go faster and builder higher and get the job done right and build up all of these walls. Only if I turned around and looked- I would see that I am the workers- that I'm yelling at myself and blocking out all of those people around me that are there trying to help me see how. Stubborn me sits there with her pride and won't take the hand to help her up.
Tommorow I am going in for prayer counselling- hoping to be rid of it- whatever it may be. I hope that it is not the next- well I'll try this thing and if that doesn't work then I'll try this or that. I'm done with it. Done. Ready to pick up my mat and walk. To touch the cloak. If I can believe in healing for the nations and for the hundreds of people that I've prayed for and will meet throughout my life, then I need to believe that Jesus loves and can heal even a wretched sinner like me. So, if you think about it around 1pm tommorow, pray for me, k? I want to be free.

Tutor Ange to the Rescue

2006-10-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

Today I had my first tutoring sesson with a girl in Grade 12 who would like to improve her English Mark- and I loved it! It was so fun to work with her and try to get a handle on where she is at and to see what ways that I can help her through this- the thing is, she seems really smart and has amazing ideas, she just needs a little direction in organizing them which is how I am in writing essays most of the time... it's good to be a teacher:) So if you know of some students who need some extra help in English, French, or whatever, let me know:)

Guess what I had for Breakfast?

2006-10-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

Yup - this is it... good old lemon meringue pie- only my mom knows that I don't like the meringue part really so she mixed it all in- YUMMM!!!!!

Envy

2006-10-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

Last night I saw this movie, Envy and it was actually really good. Lisa wanted to see Nacho Libre but it was all out at, like, 3 video stores so we dove into the oldie's section of the store and found this little number. I had never heard of it before and I know that sometimes Ben Stiller comes up with some pretty yucky stuff, but I like Jack Black so we gave it a whirl. It was goodtimes... funny but moslty clean as well. Imagine that.

Leaves

2006-10-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

Hey there... last night I had one of the most amazing times. I had just come from watching a funny movie with Lisa and Stephanie (and Kiera who was playing with Lisa's dog... if you want to see something ridiculous- watch a Shitzu/Maltese try to strut her stuff against a full-grown black lab/cross) Anyhoo, afterwards me and Steph decided to go for a walk. The wind was howling (this was about 1130 or 1230 at night, depending on which half of the time switch you were on) and leaves were falling everywhere. It just felt so powerful to be out side at a time like that. I was SO happy- just feeling the wind, being blasted by the power of God through nature, and talking about how amazing Dave is and what a gift he is to me. I was telling Steph all of these wonderful things and then we laid down in my driveway and just experienced the wind in the tree... when we looked up the wind was just tearing through it- and leaves were falling all around- we were in automn-in-action. Then I felt this overwhelming urge to just pray over Steph and for the person that God will bless her with - as soon as I did the wind picked up 10 notches or so and I practically had to yell the prayer so she could still hear me... it was so amazing. I feel like I was just SO aware of how much God loves us and how he wants to give good GIFTS to his children. It's nothing that we deserve, but through Christ who washes away our inadequacies and reveals beauty. Wow... I slept well last night:)

This is how I feel today...

2006-10-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a very stress-ballon deflating day. After the tension had mounted to the likes of a small volcano, I went to see my sponsor teacher who took the first load off. I don't have to do huge projects with the kids for this unit- thank the Lord. Just some nice breeze through it book work where we all take a breather. Next I went to Lyndon at Church- who laughed and cried with me- I love pastors. He basically helped me see that I had permission to be free and let my guard down. That I am the one who has been making all of these walls and I'm allowed to enjoy where I am at right now. WAHHOOOO!!! Then I went to counselling where we talked again about anxiety... someday we will get to the root of this and I will be finally free- I hope and pray for that day to come soon. Then I went with some friends out with some perogies that they had made to deliver it to the homeless people around Abbotsford. We drove for almost 2 hours just trying to find people. Funny how it seems like they are everywhere until you want to find them:) They were greatful for a warm meal on a cold night- Jay and Danielle are expecially excited about this endevor to act out what God tells us to do- to feed the hungry and clothe those who need it. Afterwards was a the final installment in un-stressing. I got to be with Dave for a bit and just unwind, get that long awaited hug, and clear up some things that I hadn't been able to express so clearly the other day. It's good- I feel like there was a lot accomplished there yesterday and I feel even closer to him than I ever have let myself be:) Anyhoo, that's all for now- I'm supposed to be learning how to use the computer program for report cards so I will be moving on, but cheers and talk to y'all later.
Love, Ange

Today

2006-10-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel today- the tension has mounted astronomically in my shoulders and I'm carrying it in my eyes too. I didn't sleep well last night and it has carried through to my brain- I had to give a unit test today and I lost part of it- I can se eit in my head, but not where I put it, so I had to skip lunch to make another one - so I didn't get to go home for lunch and I've now eaten the pudding that was in my purse and some chips from the vending machine. My phone is at home so I don't have my numbers and I'm freaked about how I'm going to move, paint, get the chairs done, plan 2 new units, get report cards (all 70+ of them individually written) etc by next week. I hate the fact that I feel like I'm taking it out on the people that I love the most, and that I'm not eating, sleeping, resting, or exercising properly. I feel like I want to take a vacation from my head for a few days. Just hug my boyfriend and forget about everything else. Yup- that's my new plan.

Yesterday.

2006-10-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

This is how I felt yesterday.

2006-10-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

So I guess the lesson plan of the week is on Communication... I think because I have 10-15 thoughts racing through my head at any given time, that everyone can probably see them all wrtten boldly accross my forehead, no matter how much of a calm and composed face I can muster up at the time. Hence the forgetfulness in letting people know what is really going on inside- I forget that not everyone thinks like this, and even if they did, it would even be more important to keep each other updated on where things were at, otherwise we'd all be lost. How's that for physco-babble? Anyhoo, the main point is that God is good, and peaceful and He fills us with a rest that will calm our hearts and minds:)

My boyfriend is amazing.

2006-10-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

Can I just say ( I don't know why I need to ask permission) that I have the best boyfriend in the whole world? Yesterday a few of use were up quite late so needless to say I was dragging my feet today at school, trying to get everything done and be

awake. It was one of those times when the students and staff could see "Je suis fatigue" all over my face:) Anyhoo, I didn't think I would see him today cause I had school and family stuff and he has classes and tutoring and guy's night,etc today but lo and behold I'm just wrapping things up at the beginning of lunch and in walks this handsome man with a lemon meriengue pie ( my favorite- which I missed out on at dinner yesterday because my borther's girlfriend ate too many pieces) for my class, a rose, and a peppermint mocha from starbucks (also my favorite). I turned bright red cause there he is and there were a bunch of students still in my class:) And as soon as they left he gives me a big hug- SO GOOD! All day, people are like, so is it a special occasion- and I'm like, yes, the occasion is that Dave is AMAZING! Sigh- he constantly does stuff like this- new surprises all the time- who could ask for anything more?

Reality

2006-10-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

I just have to write this down- no thte whoel story for right now, but just the jist- which is that GOD IS GOOD! Ten thousand things to be thankful for this thanksgiving- one of the biggest ones being awesome friends, and now my boyfriend David... God is so good:)
Ange

Ode to Amigos

2006-10-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

Oh, amigo
Oh, Oh Oh, amigos
Amigos are so grand
They help you always to stand
They understand
They stand up to pressure
They rarely reprimand
but they demand
that you be you, not just any woman
If you're hungry, they'll fry it in a pan
If it's dirty, they'll make it spick and span
If someone's hurt you, they'll open up a can (of ...)
When you've got the itch to go to new lands
they'll call up Stan,
to book the flightplan
and then you'll make a flan
with your very cool
very lovely
very superfantabulous
vacation in Milan.

There you go Jamie- an ode to gouda cheese friends like you!

Community...

2006-09-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

So this last week has definitly been an adventure- teaching French and German, and seeing as I don't speak German it is quite hilarious. I've also got to spend a fair amount of time hanging out with friends this week- new and old- been to the park lots, finally fulfilled a highschool dream of tubing down the Veddar River, "reading" a book on the way to and from school, going to 3 BBQ's in a couple of days, celebrating Mark's son Josh's Birthday, helping Jamie out with a single parents affair and going out on an adventure to Mill Lake- life is good and full... can't wait to see what God has up next.

White... Rock- Jacob and Lilly

2006-09-04T17:43:00.000-07:00

On a fun note- went to go and see Jacob and Lilly the other night t the OB in White Rock- goodtimes with good frends. Hadn't seen Joanne in forever. Would love to ...
You know what- I'm tired of writing about this right now. I just want to ramble- about the stars and the sky and what make s the world go round and how your whole perspective on things can just change the way that the world looks and darkness can be a haven or a hatred depending on how it is perceived.
Also, I am nervous about tommorow- no matter how not nervous I feel, there is definitly something brewing in me that is, I don't know what. I have to/ get to teach French and German for a month- I don't speak German at all! Oh man... here we go with God 100%

Oregon- The Sand, the Surf, and the Sunburn

2006-08-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

I just got home late last night from a week on the Oregon Coast- well just over a week, I guess. It was very relaxing and yet COLD! Here I was looking so forward to playing in the waves all week and turns out that the water was fuhreezing and I only dared to go in once- Ange Mandel Style- which we all know is the coldest of all ways to be in water, but it was sure worth it. Although I couldn't warm up all night even with 5 shirts on or something ridiculous like that. I must admit that Lisa upped me for sure in the picture taking department so these are just a few snipits from my camera while I wait 0n the rest. For some reason I was obsessed with taking falling pictures so we have tons of me pretending to fall off random cliffs, rocks, etc.
Some highlights from Oregon
- hanging out at the beach- and getting sunburnt too!
-going to a Christian Leadership Conference while we were there- great speakers like a former L.A. PD Assistant Chief who had some great police stories to share with us
-seeing the film - "The End of the Spear"- SUCH a good film
-hanging out with Lisa's cousin Byron and his random surfing buddies- they were goodtimes
-tons of campfires and conquering the tentpegs with our HUGE muscles:)
-driving with great tunes, reading, and relaxing... goodtimes

Just found out that I have several job offers for teaching with various districts, etc- praying for wisdom:)

On a side note- been having wierd dreams again lately... hopefully they will help me to continue to sort out my head:)

Mexico - mi amor, mi casa

2006-08-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

So the past week I have been in Mexico, on a whirlwind trip down to the Orphanage in St. Vincente de Geurrero, Mexico. I flew down to Sandiego and then had a bus ride to the trolley, walked across the boarder (they don't even need passports there!) and then another couple of buses until I arrived 12hours later to Matt's smiling face at the bus stop. Sweet deal.
Some highlights:

The kids- so cute and lovable- It felt like the first time that I've genuinely laughed and laughed in a long time. Just seeing their beautiful smiles and getting to chase them around!
Meeting the other staff and volunteers- yeah for cool people... I met some rad folks that I just loved hanging out with- Esther and Mark, Jen, April, Brianne, Matt, Mark, and Time, Lic, and whole gang
Speaking spanish - after 5 weeks of French it was funny trying to be in another culture was headspinning but rad. I just kept saying a lot of French words with a spanish twist and sometimes it worked!
The outreach times- so many times in the past while I've been growing more and more cynical and skeptical of Missions and evangelism but here it actually works! I heard so many stories of God's faithfulness, saw people respond in powerful ways to the gospel, being fed and clothed and getting saved- not like the Hard shells of North America.
Being at peace and living the simple life- I loved just riding around in the back of the trucks, getting dirty ( by the end of the week I had gotten used to it), boogie boarding at the beach, etc
The adventures - I can laugh at them now- falling asleep on the bus and missing our stop and having to spend the night at the bus station, our plane getting cancelled but getting to spend the afternoon at the beach in Sandiego.... good times!

Sweet deal, now I'm off to the Oregon Coast for some camping/surfing/hanging out. Cheers.

Footloose and Fancy Free

2006-08-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of firsts for me...
1. The first time I've cried about learning French- I totally blanked in an oral exam today and I left and I just couldn't help it. You know those times when a person asks if you're ok, and you appreciate it, but you also don't want them to cause that's when the water works start? Yup- that was today... probably helped out by PMS and the emotional struggle of everything radically changing again in the next few days. It's good, I'm starting to recognize that about myself- some people's legs hurt when the weather changes, I think I just become more sensitive or something. Anyhoo, it just sucked because I know I could have aced the test- I studied the hard stuff and then got in there and forgot the simple things that I have known since grade 8. Argh! Ahh, well, the second test was much better so that's that.
2. I OFFICIALLY FINISHED my BEd today. I wrote my last unit plan up and tidied it up all spick and span for my distance ed education class and closed my lap top and closed a chapter of my life as a PDP student... but also opened another one for whatever comes next!
3. I ate dinner in a fancy revolving restaurant to celebrate (both my BEd and the finishing- well almost, I have 2 more exams tommorow morning) with some friends from SFU. All in all we had a fabulous evening and stretched it out as leisurly as possible. Some of us girls were saying that we felt like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" when she gets to be all fancy and doesn't know what cutlery to use:) We ordered the buffet and had all sorts of delicious delictables- from peppercorn chicken and smoked trout, to creme caramel and chocolate mousse, c'etait fantastique!
4. I shampooed my hair with soap because I ran out of shampoo and didn't remember until I was in the shower. I may have done that one before, I can't remember, but it reminded me of my Grandpa from Alberta who used to do that all the time. My hair went strangely curley after that experiment so maybe I'll try it again when I feel the need to Betty Boop it up!

You snooze... you cruise!

2006-08-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

Monday night we got to take a boat cruise around the St. Laurence goodtimes... dancing, partying, chatting with the amigos... all in good fun.

Pics: Me and some good peeps- oh and on another random note... I get this message on my answering machine the other day and it's Andy (I feel like I've already written this blog... have I?O) and he's all, "Uh, Hey Ange... just wondering how you were doing and, uh, I'm in your lobby!" Crazy. Who in the world just shows up in your lobby in Quebec? Anyhoo, he was on a mission's trip in Montreal and then just hopped on over. Good times.

Let's see, what else can I say... I'm tired and my head hurts from French. Yesterday I could barely order a hamburger my brain was so fried. And then I got fries to boot- haha! I'm so drole. No, not really:) Come on, photos, publish already.

You see, this time thing at the bottom is still set on Pacific time, so it's really almost 1am here... I've just been to the Spectacle Francais- the last little show of the school. It was good times- I was a part of the theatre presentation so we were clowns- blacks and full makeup including the nose- but it was fun cause I got to be the trickster clown who plays all the jokes on everyone. And the only black t-shirt that I had was my one that says "Secret Identity" on it which made me happy:)O
I was just talking to Matt Street on msn and he told me that the beach- a clear, clean, swimming, boogy boardable beach is only 5 minutes away from where we will be staying in Mexico. Hallelujah, praise the Lord, I am so ready for some non-action. Some crazy rest on the sand, swim in the water, drink a margarita laisez-faire good time. Not that I'm saying that Quebec hasn't been RAD- I'm just starting to feel like I need a vacation from my "vacation/studies". Plus, I am like a fish- I need to be in water:)P
Some essential downtime, good time, rest time, reflect time, breathing time. Some singing, playing an instrument time where I get to breathe in the air with my whole body and bask in the peace and contentment of a natural day, evening, and on into the night. I hope that there is a full moon when I am down there... I think that would be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen- a full moon on the beach in the south with sand and surf and the background hum of distant latin music and laughter.

Crepes, Trees, and Dindins

2006-07-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well here are some random pics... me and Wes at the Crepe Breton eating some good crepe goodness- you have never had crepes until you've had real French Crepes... YUM! and Then at the Ball Costume with Jenni- we came super late so she was a Quebequois caught in the rain and I went as a tree- see my leaves? Then me and some of the girls eating a delicious dinner in our dungeon of a kitchen... you have to walk down 4 flights of stairs to the opposite side of the builidng to reach any sort of heating element- hence the amazing amount of sandwiches and other cold items that I have been eating. Hello peanut butter and babaganoush! Not together of course!

Oh my word..

2006-07-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

Just got the funniest email from Jamie- check out this website and then click on the lady with the Cats on the left- it's my worst nightmare come true! Hahaahaha
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lifelessons/lifelessons.html?clik=tlc_leftnav

L'ille de Orleans...

2006-07-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday we went to the Ille d' Orleans and it was really cool.
1. My camera did at the beginning though so I only got shots of the waterfall which was gorgeous but you had to walk down 480 steps... apparently it is even taller than Niagra. Anyhoo, that day we got to have fresh bread on the beach and a nice french guy served me a bowl of all the flavours of Sorbet (only he was talking to me in English and pronouced it Sor bet- I tried to explain to him that in English we say it the French way too but he didn't get it:) .
2. We went to an old house with a funny 14 year old guide dressed up in pantaloons and long socks who told us funny stories about history and kept making jokes - like he showed us the master bedroom and said that they drew the curtains for intimacy and then he pointed to the candle that was right next to the bed and reminded us that it was made from seal fat- which in French is the word phoque- pronounced exactly as you might think it is... oh man, and then he started to laugh really pubecently with his voice crackin- he was hilarious.
3. We toured a vineyard with black currents and had a wine tasting- yum yum and brought some back for mom and dad
4. Had a tour of the maritime museum out on the water... they divided us into groups according to our french levels but I still hardly understood a lot of it. I did learn the french word for fishery which is a peche...
5. After a lot of ice cream and fun times I headed home for a long long long nap..
6. And then it was off to this rad singing bar called Boneparte (after the famous Napoleon) where we sang French and English songs all night with a rowdy crowd - and a whole lotta enthusiasm. Everyone here in Quebec sings- and we sang our guts out even if we didn't know half the words. It was funny cause there was a huge couple of tables in this tiny place with us Anglophones and so we would shout out the English songs and all the French would stare at us and then they would giver on the French Folk ones- it was a team effort! Good times, good times. I'll say it again- I love this place!

Take me out to the ballgame!

2006-07-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

Friday night we went out to a Quebec Capitols game- pro-baseball at it's best. Of course in Quebec they like to do things right and get the crowd nice and rowdy so for a mere $25 you get a ticket to the game and 2 hours of pre-game pizza, pop, wine (red and white), beer, hot-dogs, popcorn, chicken skewers ALL YOU CAN EAT AND DRINK... who'd have thought? I've never seen anything like it. And given the heat of the day and the ambitiousness of the sports-fanatics, there were some pretty happy people by the time the first pitch flew across homeplate. Quebec won and we all had a blast rippin' it up in the stands. I never knew I could have so much fun at a baseball game. Sorry Jeremy and Derek- I know you guys had kickass games growing up:) Love you bros!

Me like water...

2006-07-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

Today we took the ferry across the St. Laurence into Veille Levi... a bon place to mange la creme glace! They have this chocolate shop that serves ice cream and the line goes way out the door... good times! I also had some poutine today- a Quebec treat for sure but sooooo salty... for those of you not up on your poutine - its fries smothered in gravy and cheese curds... if you'll notice on the pic I got an expecially gooey one! Also, I took lots of random pics today of flowers, buildings, and benches... Quebec was made for art... you have to look no further than in front of your nose and there is something beautiful. I love it here!

L'observation Des Baleines- Whalewatching...

2006-07-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

L’observation des baleines – Whale watching… now that was some good times- belugas, grey whales, a crazy driver who didn’t seem to slow down for even the biggest of waves, seeing waterfalls, getting up at 445am to get to the place, etc. And the gave us lunch and breakfast which was good but it included V8- YUCK... for a downhome tomato hater it was too much. Anyhoo, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my trip so far to see whales in the wild. I didn't realize how much it means to see something so beautiful and powerful free and liberated to do and be just itself. My english is starting to suck- sorry... it's the franglais coming out in me!

C'est l'amour!

2006-07-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Going out for dinner last night- one of my dreams come true- sitting on a terrace outdoors, with a red and white checkered table cloth, violins and the accordian playing (t think Lady and the Tramp- not polka), a Strawberry Dairquiri (that was as tall as two!) and some good peeps, Sigh, wonderful.

La Cabine au Sucre

2006-07-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

The Sugar Shack, the place where lumberjacks lie, the good old fashioned, everything made of maple syrup, dancing hoedown of a place where all that is French and Canadian comes together as one. Can I just tell you that it's not a good idea to start doing , "Slapleather" unless you are fully aware of your surroundings? I looked back and after some rounds of playing the spoons and doing a mass group macarena it was time for some line dancing of sorts and the leaders seemed to just be grapevining over and over. So I pull out the old shindig we all learned back in grade 10 and low and behold I have a group of 20 or 25 people all following along behind me... AHH! Who knew? French learner, and line dancer extrodinaire!

Frisbee Volante Extreme!

2006-07-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

Frisbee- nothing like a good game of ultimate (no wait, Frisbee Volante Extreme) to get you going in the afternoon- especially after a long day of grammar and pronounciation. The fun part about this is that there are people from all over who are playing - all across Canada, the States, and Mexico and we are all trying to speak in French and it doesn't always work when you are in the heat of the moment. It was really windy one day and one of the Animateurs (the people who make sure we have fun and speak french) was telling me that they regularly have tornados in Quebec city and that this was nothing. So I thought to ask him if they had flying cows too that liked to spin in the wind, and he said they do! Apparently it is a regluar Quebequois pasttime to go cow hunting in the tornados- who knew? Although I would imagine it's slightly different from skeet shooting- and what do you do with the cows afterwards? Eww:)

La Musee

2006-07-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

La Musee - I'm not sure which museum it was that we went to this week but it was really rad- they had 7 exhibits, all with super high tech things- like headphones that you would wear that would change sounds and explanations even if you only moved one or two feet away, a whole crime scene investitgation where you got to go through and solve a murder- complete with the autopsy room, genetics lab, phone and tv interviews with the suspects- it was like getting to be on CSI - funtimes... and then there were two exhibits dedicated to the history and present of French Cinematography- so interesting!

Shopping and French Grace...

2006-07-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Shopping- definitly like the clothes here- so chic, feminine, and yet still seem to be mostly modest enough to cart around- although my perspective on that could be skewed by the fact that everyone seems to dress so well here- I think I've said it before but I just think that french women are so beautiful. They just seem to walk around with such confidence, beauty, and grace- I love the Quebequois appreciation for beauty.

La Festival D'ete de Quebec

2006-07-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

LIVE, Blue October, Fiest, Broken Social Scene, Garu, Robert Charlebois, Wilco, and other random bands... I tell you this music festival is one of the best things I have ever been too- granted there are a ton of peeps here but at the same time, who can beat a $20 ticket for all of those bands & more and 10 days of Festival fun. Downtown is just a blaze right now of hoards of people wandering, eating, drinking, singing, dancing- there are street performers and French is everywhere... although I must say it was funny at the Live concert last night when the lead singer put th mic to the audience and we were all singing along to the classics - but then there were a few where he had to pull back the mic cause everyone knew the tune, but there was a whole lotta bla bla blaing going on:) Also, I really enjoyed going to the French bands even though I didn't know the words at all. This one guy, Charlebois, I guess is like the Johnny Cash of Quebec. Anyhoo, he starts singing this song about Quebec that goes something like - un, duex, trois, quatre, cinq, six- QUEBEC! and then you just get to yell and the whole stage lights up- good times!

Chez Son Pere

2006-07-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Chez Son Pere - We stumbled upon it last night after a couple of concerts and I had heard it was one of the best pubs in town for an authentic Quebequois experience and boy was it ever- singing, dancing, yelling at the top of our lungs with good beer, great peeps, and a whole lotta atmosphere. You had to climb to the top of these really steep stairs and then stuffed into a room with a lot of sweaty (but enthusiastic) people. I LOVED IT! That is my idea of a rad place to be- none of that gross bump & grind sleezy bar crap (although I must say that the Quebequois seem to be a lot more free with their signs of love and affection), but just good times... it kinda reminded me of the Blarney stone only 10 time more hyper...

This Past Week

2006-07-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

Man, the weeks go by so fast here. I can't believe that it is already Saturday again! It seems like I just got here. Anyhoo, this week has been filled with a ton of fun activities (like frisbee, whale watching, and going to the Cabin Au Sucre), meeting new peeps, having random French experiences (try asking for Carribean chicken in the Deli- no matter how many ways you say "Carribean" - it apparently is not a French word:)), shopping, playing sports and busting out in a new culture...
A few highlights include:

Today... La Citadel, jeux de theatre, et CRASH

2006-07-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

Bonjour! Aujourd'hui, j'ai ma premiere classe de francais et nous avons eu un review. It was so hard to get up this morning, what with the time change still and all... anyhoo, i need to write this tommorow after I go to the sugar shack - la Cabin au Sucre for a great meal... the Festivale D'ete starts tommorow and for only $20 we get to see concerts and street performers like Live, Twisted Sister, Feist, Broken Social Circle, etc for 10 days- SWEET... it will be great I hope! Cheers and a bientot!

Worst feeling in the world...

2006-07-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

Losing a great friend.

Je suis arrivée!

2006-07-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

Bonjour! C`est ma premiere jour au Québec est cèst trés bien! Jài rendezvous avec beaucoup des noveux personnes et sortir avec des étudiants qui aller au SFU. Cette semaine, je veux jouer au `ultimate frisbee`, observer les bellaines (je ne sais pas l`apellation pour cet mot- c'est les 'whales') et faire du cyclisme autour de la ville de Quebec. Aussi, il y a la Festivale de Sol que commencer au 6 julliet, et c'est seullement 20$ pour tous les bandes- au samedi il y a un concerte avec 'Twisted Sister' Ha ha! Je les souviens de la film - you know that one from your childhood- the flight of the navigator? I just remember on that movie that there was the sister or something like that (it was an 80`s movie) and she was dying her hair purple to go to a Twisted Sister concert and the boy who was naive thought that twisted sister was a band with girls. Anyhoo, it`s gonna be good times. It`s been also very difficult to be here at the same time, but God is a great healer. Who could ever love you more?

Camp Alexandra

2006-07-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

This last week I returned to Camp A for a stint as a Camp Counsellor... good times! Being on vacation for the week before that I had forgotten what it was like to work 12 hours a day with 70+ campers with special needs but it was sure full of adventures- rescuing people from traffic- witnessing a "wedding" in the Rec Hall, having cmpers that say your name 50 times a day, chasing down runaways, battling with screamers, etc- always good times. One thing that I am always reminded of when I go to camp is how brave the cmapers are. even though they have spent their whole lives with one or lots of disabilities, they often have no inhibitionis about loving each other, supporting their friends with hugs and kisses, belting out Britney Spears in Karaoke in off-the-chart keys, and even trying new skills that take them a long time to get handle on. A lot of them don't give up and it is so beautiful to see. I wish I could post some of their pics - they are SO GREAT, but I can't for confidentiality reasons so instead you get to see a pic of me and Steph- a co=counsellor dress up as Frieda Kalo for our Mexican station at the trip around the world night, and then a pic of Steph twirling her stuff at the belly dancing program- one which I participated in wholeheartedly and have yet to quite get that last hip jiggle:) There's always next time!

A Day at the Lake

2006-07-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Last week we (being some old buds from Church- Dave & Esther, Tim & Wendy and eventually Andy Janzen went up to Hayward lake for some goodtimes jumping off the bridge... well, the boys jumped off the bridge and us girls kinda just eased in. Anyhoo, afterwards we got to go out for a BBQ and it was one of the most lovely days I've had in a long time- good friends, good times, good eats and I got to just SIT on the patio and feel the cool breeze. Such a blessing. One thing that reminded me that I was with boys like Tim, Andy, and Dave was that we were on the bridge when they all decided to start playing with their chest hair and make mohawks out of it. Oh man- good times.

We're on a river that ends...

2006-06-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

I can't even remember the rest of the words- they were with me a little while ago, but now they are just nowhere to be found. A little on the abstract side but, not really. Here's to life, love, and what might have been...

Identity - unedited

2006-06-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Identity, An Exploration

(the unedited version)

6 entries found for identity… the 6^th is mathematical, and therefore irrelevant

The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is definitively recognizable or known
The set of behavioral or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognizable as a member of a group.
The quality or condition of being the same as something else.
The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity; individuality.
(-dnt-t) n. pl. i·den·ti·ties

6. Intentionally left blank.

Identity. Identities, plural. The search for who I am.

Identity is relative, refers to the surrounding environment.

A person as defined by her surroundings.

A person referred to by gender ( male or female or…)

A gender subject to discussion in race (black or white or…)

A Race subject to debate in culture (a literary artifact, a musical note, a…)

A culture subject to dissection by the corporation (ammunition for exploitation…)

A corporation dictating social identity

(Where?

wear, buy,

Whereby to

consume

Consummate the

Marriage

Marred image

Between / bit by bit wean

Us and/onto them

To gain (obtain, receive something that one previously lacked)

To gain (weight, obsess, abuse, obiese)

To pain, to in-sane, too insane too inane

Freedom within? (it has been there all along)

Freedom without? (stripped of labels, devoid of barriers, do we float in nothing?)

Success (achievement, accomplishment, a sense of identity)

Defined, measured, constricted, refined in the minds of other people

The group collective

The group informative

The group definitive

The group illusive, vague, internal and best described as what you see in your own head

Images, ideas, filtered by assumption

Carved out by experiences

Distorted or elated by perception

What else matters, but your own of your own?

Identity- so wrapped up in what “everyone else thinks”

So wrapped up in “who everyone wants me to be”

So wrapped up in “where, when, why…”

Who cares?

Who cares. I am who.

2006-06-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well... I am almost at the end of a 7 day journey. A journey into, well, the self I guess. Upon being challenged to spend a week essentially by myself to vacate the busyness, to settle some scores - in my own head:) and to find out that I wouldn't spontaneously combust or melt into a big pile of goo, and they were right. I'm still here. And all the better for it, I hope. I'm tempted to log and journal all of the things that I kept myself occupied with, but that probably also goes against the whole point of what I was supposed to do in the first place which was nothing. I'm not sure if I've perfected the art of "being" but I can say that there is progress.
I chose Miss Audrey because she represents to me the emobodiment of what it means to fully embrace womanhood- just look at her- graceful, elegant, beautiful, yet strong and confident and yet there is a smile on her lips that gives away her playfullness. A toast to Audrey- and everything black and shiny!

COME SEE MY PLAY!

2006-06-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

Hey Cats...

What: Come and see the play that I've written and directed called, "A Walk in the Park"...

Where: The Matsqui Centennial Auditorium

When: Sunday June 25th, 2006 at 7pm SHARP; remember kids, this is theatre and you gotta be there or they won't let you in:)

Why: because we're crazy and it's a whole lotta fun!
and because it stars 2 fabulous peeps- the one and only Jamie Field and the stellar Andrew McGowan
and because it is you have to find out:

"Will John the eccentric, married to his routine and plagued by a peanut-butter loving alter-ego be able to stand up to the witty banter of zany Eliza along with her imaginary pet squirrell, or is he in danger of losing his bachelorhood forever? Not just for the saps... but a statement for relationships everywhere:)"

How much- $7 from me or Andrew or Jamie or $9 at the door

SEE YOU THERE!

Descriptive Draft Two

2006-06-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

We had to write an article for my Language Arts class... a description taken from one of several brainstorms we had to engage in. I chose my worst fear... take what you can from it.

What I will become

Circle. A halo of sounds. Clock ticks, computer buzzes, fridge whirrs. Fridge creaks. Open, close. Open, close. Open, closed. Emphasis on the “d”. Cat scratch, cat pounce, cat piss. Six cats, six bowls, six howling, creeping, hissing cats. Light blinks, light winks, light flickers and dies. Car alarm – WAILS, and calms – embeds, enlightens, elates the noise.

Line. Line of dust, line of rust, line of “I must…” and then Mr. Clean, Mr. Lean, Mr. Clean up your shit and get it right this time. Mr. One last time, Mr. Find me at the table with my head in my arms. With my head in my hands, with the head of the class blinking in bold bright lights on the wall. Papers, letters, numbers dates, lining the kitchen slash office, slash living room, slash every damn room.

Achievements, accomplishments, deeds and dedication - evidence of time well wasted. Of time ill-tasted, of time you can’t face, can’t erase. Anymore.

Square. View of the table – sharp edges, clean lines, dark exterior, mottled under wood –her solid reflection. The square, the edgy bitch, the neurotic, too-tanned, too fat, too lethargic, blotchy one reflected in her symbiotic table. Table of contents: one shell, 6 cats, 3 diet pills, and a bottle of self-tanning lotion. Self – do it yourself, think of only yourself, self is all that matters, mattered. Matters, mattered. Will matter – matter is solid. Solid in form, measurable, weighable, with substance. Self matters, weight is relative.

Pyramid. There is a pile of leaves on the floor beneath the plant – brown and shriveled. Tomorrow they will pay homage to the great garbage god. She will clean-rampage late tonight. Mr. Clean will solace her shortcomings. It is what puts order to her world.

Wedding Bells are Ringing!

2006-05-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

Yup - they did it... Wendy and Tim tied the knot. Wow - I had so many more brilliant things to say before I got distracted reading wedding cartoons. Ok, that's all for now.

Victoria - where the cost of living is sky high...

2006-05-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

If you look REALLY closely, you can see the killer whales that I saw on my trip to Victoria yesterday. It was a whirlwind trip - there and back in a matter of hours to have a job interview. Who knows...

Ever Notice how...

2006-05-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

In every family photo there has got ot be the goof ball who just can't seem to smile and that is my brother Derek - ever since he was a little kid he just couldn't seem to smile. Why am I writing about this anyway? I was thinking today that I would like to write things that are a little bit deeper - then I went here and did this and that sort of thing. I guess if you don't really have a purpose in mind then you won't really be writing for any sort of aim and then it is just whatever happens to be going on in your head at the moment. ANyhoo - that is my family and our attempted pic for the grandma. My grandma just got moved into a home last week after over 85 years living on a Hutterite Colony. Super traumatic for her - I can't even imagine trying to adjust to things. She's called my dad so many times this week already. I need to go out there soon.

Surf Trip

2006-05-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well, we only just got back now from our trip to Tofino for the weekend, it was a LONG day today of ferry rides and travelling after a hectic weekend- and when I say hectic, what I really mean is one long party with a great crew of people. It was our good friend Brent Brown's birthday celebrationi this weekend and things went smashing. There was some surfing involved- of course right after watching surfing movies and listening to shark stories which didn't helop any. I did manage to sprain my ring finger somehow and it's a lovely shade of purple but other than that - everything came out A-Ok! Cheers, and here's to the first day of summer school tommorow:)

Everybody goin' Surfin', Surfin' Tofino!

2006-05-04T23:39:00.000-07:00

Tommorow morning I go SURFIN' for the weekend- should be goodtimes... until then:

“ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ”- Philippians 4: 6-7

That one's for you too, Jamie:)

Top Ten RAD Things to Do at D-Fest

2006-05-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

1. See RAD shows
2. Tech RAD shows
3. Hang out with RAD people
4. Learn RAD medieval dances (who'd a thought?)
5. Eat RAD free food
6. Drink RAD free drinks
7. Perform RAD interpretive dances with brooms during scene changes
8. Try to learn to juggle (RAD)
9. Lay on the RAD couches and chill
10. Play RAD games of frisbee

Photos: Steven - the RAD director of "Duck Variations", Learning to Medieval Dance, the Classic Headshot of some theatre peeps

D-Fest 2006

2006-05-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

Ok the preshow music is on- check and double check. Audience is filing in... wait for an elbow from Jamie- yup we're good to go for the opening cue. Ok, bring that level down - set up the disc, fade that up... nice- everyting looks great so far.

Oh man, this is such a funny play - Marretta and Chris did such a great job on it- not to mention Patrick - where did he find this play? Ok, well, I've got at least 20 pages until the next cue, maybe if I just rest my head down a little. Oh, careful not to bump the light board- wouldn't want to set them up in a blackout- that would suck.

Ok, there, that's nice, just cozy up in my little fuzzy sweater and rest my tired little head on my elbow. Breath in, breath out Breath in, breath out.

Gosh, this play sure is funny... oooh. I think my breathing is getting heavier... yup, definitely a steady rythm developing. Oh gosh, Ange, you're not allowed to fall asleep again. Must arise for the gun shot. Ok, just lift up your head slowly out of la la land and into reality.

"Well, Raggy, I haven't seen much movement comin' out of you in the last while, either!"
"Much movement? What do you mean Baggy?"
"Well, you know..."

Ok, it's all good, they're still arguing, no need to panic yet. Oh I'm glad its this play right now, I couldn't handle anything anymore complicated - sigh, but still 3 more to go and the night is still young. Stay awake, must stay awake... :)

DEATH CAB- HOT!

2006-04-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I scored the extra ticket to go and see Death Cab for Cutie with jer - it was a bit of a gong show because he was working all day and I was teching at the theatre all day and we didn't leave Abby until 630 and the concert started at 7pm in Vancouver - luckily we got there in time for the mainstage events and had a kickass time. The lights and sound were amazing and there were sooo many people there havin' goodtimes. Would go see them again anyday!

Hot Techies R' Us

2006-04-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

If you need something done- we are your women. It's Hot Techies R' Us to the rescue- no job too big, no job too small. You need sound? Done like dinner. You need lights? Done like your mama's potroast on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Call 1-800-TECHIES and we'll talk to you soon!

So I didn't make it - this time...

2006-04-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

I just got a letter on my bed from the Abbotsford School district... if you can read the small print it says thanks - but you didn't make it. I will not be a TOC in Abbotsford this fall. Well - I guess it just means that God has BETTER plans. Travelling it is:) Who knows - well, God, I'm here, I'll just wait for what's up next.

"And, as in uffish thought she stood"

2006-04-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

Hmm, I wonder

Why is the sky blue?

Can my Daddy fly his kite this high?

When will my nose stop itching?

Sigh - I love being outside.

Hmm, I wonder

Why is the world so big?

Will my Daddy fly this kite so high?

When will I fly like the wind?

Sigh - I'm scared of the world outside.

Hmm, I wonder

Why is the world so small?

My Daddy flew my kite real high.

When will I land in the ground?

Sigh - I will rest in the world outside.

2 points for anyone who can tell me where the title quote of this entry is from.

UCFV Theatre Geek is on the loose

2006-04-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

So the bottom line is, if you want to see me this weekend, or even for the next several days, you're going to have to catch me at one of 5 shows that I am teching for the UCFV Director's Fest out in Chillwack... I spent the day there today, making sure all the sound was coming out the right speakers, and definitly testing out the volume, ec with Jamie, using the very highly scientific and tediously meticulous process known in the tech world as the "interpretive dance-o-rama" process. Don't tell anyone that I told you though, I could get in a LOT of trouble. Here are the plays, in no particular order...

"Naomi" "Frugal Repast" "Boundaries" Studio 58's "Duck Variations"
Mystery Play

http://www.ucfv.bc.ca/theatre.htm

2006-04-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

Becky at the lake today...
Sunshine/Sonshine is
the cure-all for everything

Boundaries and Naomi...

2006-04-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

Tech rehearsal tonite again and it was a BLAST! I think that it really is true sometimes that the tech people get to have the most fun... we played several songs from "The Wedding Singer" and got to have a great dance party while they were figuring things out with the set to "Video Killed the Radio Star," "You Spin me Right Round Baby," etc. GOOD TIMES! There were a lot of sound cues for those two shows so hopefully it will all come out all right, but what they hey - it's gonna be good!

Oh, and Jamie, it's all about the middle name:)

Twangy Pop it is...

2006-04-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

Been listening to Josh Gracin on repeat today - somedays I just LOVE a good country beat and today is one of those days. Have had such a relaxing day so far - woke up late and leisurley, got some errands done, went for a LONG swim at the pool and got some wireless internet hooked up at the house so I can use my laptop wherever - which is good.

So last night Jamie and I went to the tech rehearsal for one of 4 (or is it 5) shows that we are teching for the UCFV Director's Festival. This one was called, "Duck Variations" and it was basically two old men sitting around talking about ducks. Even though I had my face glued to the sound cues half the time, trying to figure everything out, I laughed several times and really enjoyed it - it's going to be a good show. I would recommend it. Incidentally, the Director's Festival is at UCFV Chilliwack from April 28th - the 30th. Shows are only $5 or 4 for $15 - good deal for some high quality theatre. Hope to see you all there!

INTERVIEW STATUS: Complete

2006-04-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Please proceed to the next level.

In the next week or two, someone will be contacting you to let you know about the status of your application with the Abbotsford School District. Thank you for your application.

Excerpt: "Tell me about yourself"

"Well, I think that I have a great sense of humor..."

"Let's hear a joke then"

Oh shoot, he just asked me to tell a joke. What do I do? I can't think of any on the spot, it's more of something that just flows. And even if I could think of a joke, I don't think that any of them are repeatable - especially in a job interview. Well, I'm just going to have to smile and laugh. Smile and laugh.

"Ha ha! Well, it's not a 'tell a joke' kind of humor, just something that comes out... haha"

Oh crap, he's looking at me funny now. Why did I say that right off the bat? Why couldn't I have just said that I was really nice or something? Nice is easy - just smile and nod, but I have a good sense of humor? Now he's going to expect a regular laugh riot. What if he doesn't think I'm funny? So he'll go back to his meeting today and be like, 'Well, I was thinking about hiring this one gal but then she told me she was funny and she wasn't funny. I told myself, if this girl can make me laught= 3 times, then it's over - she's hired. I think I only managed a chuckle and a slight gaffaw so I wrote her off...

J/K! I think that it went well and I'm hoping for the best - it's in the Lord's hands now. So as I'm writing this I'm realizing how much I miss creative writing. Perhaps I'm going to have to turn this blog into some sort of little saga - like the many adventures of Missy Pumpkinhead or something like that and everyone will read it and I'll get rave reveiws and make millions and then live on a beach in Thailand drinking pineapple margaritas all day and people will phone and I'll have my people call their people and we will do lunch. Sounds like a plan. I'm in:)

What is with this lately?

2006-04-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

Ok - so I need to lament for a moment - well, not trulely lament because I don't really feel too emotional about it (1. beacuse it's sunny outside, and 2. because it was awhile ago already) but in the last week 3 people that I really liked and was together with in some sort of romantic fashion have... well put it this way, the most recent one just got a new girlfriend that he raves about, one got married on the weekend, and one just phoned me a minute ago from Brazil to tell me that he too is getting married. Go figure. Always all at the same time.

No Sleep till Brooklyn

2006-04-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Can't get my camera to work still. Can't get my computer to fully work. Can't get many things to work right now. I'm discovering that if you go several days in a row on little to no sleep and weird food coupled with hardcore anit-biotics your body really takes a beating.

So I'm at Easter brunch today at my Grandparent's and she sends me home to bed to get some sleep - so what do I do? Doze for about 15 minutes and then I'm up again - needing to be DOING something. Take a break, Ange.

Rain drops falling on my head...

2006-04-14T01:47:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of feeling COMPELLED to do a lot of things - so I did them

1. I woke up and HAD to have this song, "Big Brass Bed" by Josh Gracin so I went to A & B sound to get it and they weren't open until 10am so I had to wait to get it
2. I HAD to see Jamie and she wasn't answering her phone so I went out to UCFV on the way to the lake and helped build some of Andrew's set.
3. I HAD to go to a lake and sit on the dock and put my feet in the water so I did. Me at Cultus lake with my MP3 player and the ducks.
4. I HAD to get my laptop wireless connection up and running and still didn't get it figured out even with a few experts helping me
5. This isn't really a HAD TO, but I enjoyed dinner with my dad telling all sorts of funny stories from his Hutterite days - good times.

This pic really isn't from me - my new camera is already on the fritz so I need to figure it out.

LOVIN- Vacation - Not-so-much lovin' BRONCHITIS

2006-04-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

This is me and Cat at the beach last night. After dinner in White Rock for a Camp Tulahead fundraiser ( AWW, Man - the videos really made me want to go to camp!) we all went out for a tailgate party. Which turned out to be a sit-on-logs-on-the-beach-with-lots-of-blankets party until it got really cold and we decided to head back.

On a wierd note, BOTH of my headlights decided to konk out last night... so I had to drive the entire way back with my highbeams on - ridiculous, eh? All of these other cars decided they needed to teach me a lesson and flash me all the way home - with me in the driver's seat going, "I'm SORRY! I can't help it!"

"Do it! Do it now!"

2006-04-10T01:42:00.000-07:00

In the words of Jer - "Do it!" man a livin' - today was a bit of a mental gongshow- going on NOOO sleep hardly wahtso ever I awoke to find my world all over the place - strange head spaces all day.. to the point where I just couldn't seem to remember anyone's name.

Work was a breeze - half the residents at the home were on vacation so all I had to do was go out for dinner with the boys and watch some disney.

Headed out to Langely for this concert here - The Februaries, Edmund, and the big hot shots - Doubting Paris. The first two were good, well, maybe not the second band (J/K Jer!) and the third one was alright. How's that for insightful musical commentary.

Ok - so that's'a wrap, folks. Oh, except that we got a call from the Albertan side of the fam today - apparently my Grandma might be passing on in the next few days here - who knows - all in the Lord's hands.

Luckily they are open 24 hours

2006-04-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

So last night I didn't go to bed. At all. I can't even remember the last time that I just stayed up the entire night - funny because I have to work today. So Jamie, here's my attempt at code... it was full of adventure and laughing in the rain, cheesy ganster movies and talking for hours and hours and hours... SMILE!

...that's all for now:)

2 more days!!!

2006-04-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

1 - the time I went to bed last night
2- the number of days left until I am done my practicum!!!!
3 - the number of bands that Jer Penner played in tonite (SO GOOD!)
4- the number that matches with this month
5- the number that rhymes with beehive
6- the time, plus 30 minutes, that I have to get up tommorow
7- the number of pages (single spaced) of my original final paper for PDP
8- the number of beats in a section of the dances my drama kids did today
9X2 - the number of theme statements I had to mark today
10 - the approximate time I wrote this and will be heading to bed - CHEERS!

"Jesus take the Wheel"

2006-04-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic of 28 of BC's Newest Teachers... the Fine and Performing Arts module had our final photo today and our goodbyes said as we learned about all of the nitty gritties of applying to this district and filling out this form and that, etc, etc....
All the best to some ofthe best future collegues that a person could ever want - you guys rock!

P.S. On a more personal note - God is in control. Thanks, Jamie, for the encouraging words - God's got it.

P.P.S. Only 4 more days and this chick is a genuine Highschool Teacher - AHHHH!

"Everytime you close your eyes..."

2006-04-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

Here's one for the Paula Miester - the SHAPE OF THE DAY

BIG IDEA: to encourage the student to have a lot of fun doing things that involve a high amount of social activity

PLO's: the student will better understand the meaning of respect and play
-the student will relax in laughter
-the student will listen to insane amounts of indy rock and love it
-the student will catch up with old friends and experience "good times"

ACTIVITIES:
1. Sleep in until 2 pm with the aid of a "sleep mask"
2. Lounge around in pj's and eat M&M's before breakfast
3. Plan a trip to get out and take photos
4. Nix the photo trip and opt for impromtu BBQ at Jo's with the gang
5. Eat steak, samosas and - "What the heck is that?!" potato salad
6. Arrive late for Nexxus and listen to a talk on Disney- the corruptor of young minds
7. Skip over to Ethical Addictions for a London Fog and chat with Becky.
8. Run into ex "special friend" who is getting married next Saturday. Chat. Laugh about the good old days. Wish him good times ahead.
9. Home for a rest - chat again and look up flights to San Diego.
10. Recieve call and go and see a fabulous movie - Inside Man - with cereal box coupons and pal Tomjit.

MATERIALS: samosas, M&M's, a brave heart, and movie coupons

EXTENSION:
1. Use memories of a great day to think back on and smile
2. Take advice from J, J, and Aretha Franklin for a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

ASSESSMENT:
- Did the student experience a day of rest? Check and double check!

HERE's to 4 more days left on the practicum!

Building a Bookshelf/ Dance dance revolution

2006-04-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

THE BOOKCASE

Yesterday morning I finished putting together a bookcase that I bought the other day. I had this wierd youth pastor moment where all I could think of were all of these little life lessons along the way. For instance, when I had tried to put it together before, none of the pieces were fitting together quite right and I had been trying to force them to fit but no such luck. I had just missed one tiny little box on the instruction booklet that told me to point the screws in a certain way and voila - instant reults! It went as smooth as butter after that. So if I were a youth pastor, I would tie it into one of three sermons:

1. Life's challenges - perseverance builds character and hope.
2. Timing is everything.
3. Sometimes what you think you've been missing has been right there all along.

THE SCOT

On a different note - last night a bunch of us went out to the Blarney Stone to go dancing - it was SO FUN! The last time I was there was several months ago, I think, and I had met up with some scottish dude. Funny story - he was like following me around the place (or maybe this was in Whistler? I forget) and kept making all of these jokes, so of course I laugh. And then he was like, "What would it take to get you to sleep with me tonight?" in his thick, cocky Scottish drawl. It was over before it began. So I think I said something about, "Well, for starters, you'd have to marry me first," And so he gets down on one knee and proposes:) Oh man... the things boys will do.

INTERPRETIVE DANCE-O-RAMA

So back to last night - it was crazy because we forgot about the time change until late and we didn't get out there till about 11pm... and then it was an hour wait to get in and by the time we did we only had an hour an a hlaf to dance so we jumped right in - that is to say that me and Jaimie got right into the interpretive side of things - no holds bar - disco, grade 7, the robot, gangster, you name it , we did it and before long we had a whole gaggle of people around us doing the same thing - I love it when a crowd comes together!

So by the time we get out of there it's after 2 and with pit stop we don't end up getting home until 3:45, which is really 4:45am. Hee hee, I feel like such a rebel:) (Just let me have my own little fun).

THE CONVERSATION- THE WOMAN OF YOUR DREAMS

So on the way home, Tom starts talking about something to do with marriage and wanting to find that certain person and it was pretty much unanimous- high fives all around on wanting "our stories" to happen.

Jamie had told this story about her parents, I think, and one day her dad went to this place and saw her mom across the room and said, "that's the girl I'm going to marry" Now the odds were against him at the time because she was 5 or 6 years older, popular and really wanted nothing to do with him at the time, but he pursued it and asked her out on a regular basis. One day, when she was trying to get over someone else (correct me if I'm wrong J) he dropped the Q again and they went on a date - it was all downhill from there.

Man - sometimes I gotta wonder when does my story start or if it has already? I know it has been going since the beginning, but it is definitely in me to want "the story" where you look back and think - yeah, I remember the first time that we met, you spilled your hot dog all over me, or something like that and then's the part when you get to say, "it was all downhill from there":). Sometimes I have to catch myself when I start to be on the lookout for clues - then I have to sit back and let go and let God. I much prefer the times when I feel strong and confident no matter what - then I feel like I have the freedom to laugh and be silly and be myself and not feel like I'm trying to perform to be a certain way or the way I think someone would want me to be - whatever that means:)

OK - think something is wrong with my computer right now cause I can't upload any pics - more on that later.

They say write what you know...

2006-04-01T02:40:00.000-08:00

Today I know about these things...

lack of sleep increases grumpiness
on the flip side - the next well rested day is magnanimously better and makes the last day the Socratic, "dust in the wind"
babaganoush has a whole new meaning - both in the last 24 hours
ifI close my eyes - I can still type and have it come out making sense
Friday night is pitcher of long island for $12.95
Half of my silence is based on assumption, once liberated, it turns into a wonderful laughter and quick wit
it is almost 3am and I am still awake, and so are 3 other people that are fabulous
I turned in my application to teach today - and thus marks the dawn of a new era... which brings me to the next point... the loss of one hour this weekend with the time change... NEED SLEEP - Oh sleep, why do you flee from me?

Wierd Dreams

2006-03-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

I started having weird dreams again - they always seem to be around 4 in the morning - I wake up terrified and I don't know what to do... this time I started singing praise songs, it's all I could think of and then I fell back asleep and had another one...

The first dream I was with my family I was wandering around and my shoe was falling apart and then we were in my dad's truck (everyone but my mom) and we were going somewhere up a mountain but got lost and couldn't turn around. We were going to fast and couldn't stop in time and went right over a cliff and smashed into the water below. It was so vivid I could feel us falling and braced myself for impact - I could see and feel the windshield buckling in from the water pressure. We were under water and it seemed like it was going to burst through at any second and we would drown - for the first time in a long time I thought of God instead of just nothing and swearing. All I could think to do was to sing and so I started to sing "My Redeemer Lives" and I knew all of the words... eventually I climbed out of the water and I found my mom - I started to cry, "We almost drown..." I woke up for real - very afraid.

The second dream was even more frightening. I dreamt that I was in my room and something picked me up off my bed with my covers still on - bundled up in them like a stork would carry a baby only I was trapped inside and I couldn't get out. It flung me up to the ceiling and I being held up there and then I started to get thrown around the room - I had to kick the wall with my foot to make sure that it was real and I could feel it - hard - I managed to push myself back into the center where I dropped back onto my bed. I woke up flat on my back with my arms spread out and my mouth wide open - what in the heck is with that?

Jaimie said that sometimes she gets nightmares when she sleeps on her back, but I never sleep like that - I only woke up like that. So wierd. Sometimes I don't know what to think of things like that - sometimes I forget to pray... but the night before last when this happened I remembered and started to sing... The Lord inhabits the praise of His people. If we only knew the real power that was in us because of Christ - there is no way a little thing like a dream could scare us. Nothing would - nothing does.

Gotta be something more...

2006-03-29T18:43:00.000-08:00

Well, Jaimie, here it is - my thoughts for the day. For some reason today my drama classes at school went super well- just when I start to feel like I'm finally making connections with my "ARGH!" drama 10 class I have to think about leaving them in a week. It's so beautiful when you have to go through something that is one of the hardest things that you have ever done (anyone who tells you that teaching highschool is a breeze is either crazy or lying) and on the other side you realize that not only have you almost made it through, but you're a better person for it.

I'm really starting to love what I do - I love laughing with the students when crazy things happen - today one of the student's dogs ran into our drama class and she had to chase him all around - and participating with them in the skits, and seeing the lightbulbs go on when they finally get something. I like being able to smile at them in the hallway and have random students come in and join my class just because they want to be there...

Today I had a big talk with my kids about controversial issues, censorship, and appropriatness. This is one thing that I think I will have to deal with however long I choose to be involved with drama - or anything for that matter. How far is too far? What about swearing? Touchy subjects? Should it be based on maturity? How do you measure something like that? Where is the line between respect and having some fun? Ultimatly I think it was good just to get us all on the same page with opening it up for discussion. I want the students to really explore this - we all need to have some sort of filter, don't we?

I think this is one of the things that I am going to love about doing this - I get to see young minds grow and be challenged and have my own beliefs challenged in the process.

Happy Birthday to My Mom!

2006-03-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today I actually had a really good day at school - the students were HILARIOUS in the drama classes- totally inappropriate at times and it was all I could do to keep the smirk off my face (I didn't succeed very well) and try to keep them in line while laughing myself. It's so hard when they are just so darn funny! I want to just sit there and enjoy (which I did) but then some lines get crossed and I have to stand up there and give the "what for" with a straight face - try that on for size.

It was also my mom's birthday today - I remembered all day until that critical moment when she came home and then I was in the house with her for an hour and left to go to my Beppe's(dutch for grandma) house for a sec before I remembered... what kind of a daughter am I?

p.s. My brother shaved his head - I've never seen his head before... wierd!

5th Birthday...

2006-03-26T21:21:00.000-08:00

Today I went to my cousin Hailey's 5th Birthday - man is she cute:) I love spending time with the whole shabang - the cheeky uncles, the mid-sized cousins that are still afraid of cooties... you name it - by the by, the girls definitely should have won at Disney's Scene-it. Of course we know all the words to the Sleeping Beauty song - we're girls!

p.s. leaving homework until the last minute is definitely not a good idea- esp. when the lovely ladies at your job keep you up half the night reciting bed & bath routines and schedules

p.p.s. Threw out the rest of my dj's today. I'm done with that.

Campfire's AHOY!

2006-03-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

Aww man, yesterday I was craving a campfire all day and then it magically appeared - who knew? Maybe not the first, but certainly not the last of the campfires of the summer - I am SO EXCITED for all of the sunshine and outdoor goodtimes that are on the way...

The first pic is a little blurry from light tracers - I like the effect but haven't gotten a handle on it yet - any ideas?

The second pic is of 3 of the most lovely peeps - the Jaimie, the Steve, and of course, the Tomisina Enjit.

When the Van peeps come home...

2006-03-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I also got a visit from two of my best friends - Esther and Mary who both happened to be making the journey out from the big city into little old Abby - so good to hang out with them and somehow I managed to rope them into joining me for errand runs and bookcase building - what wonderful amigos I have!

Life's little lesson for the day: (besides the WONDERFUL sunshine that made the day so lovely) a word of encouragement from Jaimster when I was feeling pouty...
"... the world needs an Ange Mandel and I'm it!:)"

So these photos are taking forever to upload so here's a tidbit about them - I have HOT friends.

Strictly Unanimous

2006-03-25T01:39:00.000-08:00

Just watched this flick, "Strictly Ballroom" - You gotta see it if you haven't already. Just be prepared for Eugene Levy meets Patrick Swayze... if there ever was a cheezy 90's movies top ten list - this one would definitely top the charts.
"You just got not to be afraid"

The Battle in Seattle

2006-03-24T22:50:00.000-08:00

Went to Seattle for a whirlwind tour a couple of days ago... top ten life lessons were as follows:
1. Trying to do everything all at once so you don't miss out doesn't always agree with your body (City Pass = See me pass out)
2. Orangutangs (sp?) are just so gosh darn cute - Woodland Park Zoo
3. Seattle was founded on prostitution and pee - take the Underground Tour to see for yourself
4. Janice has a thing for manly men - just ask our Harbor Cruise tour guide
5. Sea otters, see otters, sea otters, see otters - get it? I thought so, I though it was a bad pun too. Seattle Aquarium
6. Yes, the 41 second $11 dollar space needle ride is overated, but did we still do it? Of course
7. God must have made butterflies because he loves to smile - Pacific Science Center
8. Porcupines can climb trees
9. Seattle is home to the first Starbucks and there is a giant green head that looms over the city to prove it... can we say ominous omen?
10. I get antsy when I don't have my own time - but we already knew that:)

A new found me...

2006-03-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today I spent some quality time with myself and God at the lake. After a frustrating morning of waking up way too early with the sun (gorgeous when it streams into your window in the morning but not SO early) and running around like a chicken, I drove all the way out to SFU to stand in a lineup and try to find people for an hour to tell me that the papers I had to sign weren't due until the end of April... and they wouldn't even accept them... ARGH!

So off to the lake it was for a time of pondering, self-reflection, and good times with God. Sometimes - He just helps you to breathe in and out and somehow it all just fades into the background of a steady hum... sigh. I also took the time to get aquainted with my new camera that I scored in Seattle this week - took some super fun pictures and had fun getting in touch with my artsy side. Loved it- who knew? It's a gonna be gooooodddd.

This is one of my new shoe - green, of course.

Concert on the Rocks

2006-03-24T19:49:00.000-08:00

Went to a show last night- couldn't tell ya the girl's name but she was a fabuloso singer/songwriter. The ride there and back was a blast - ice cream and great tunes - I thought to myself, now these are some cool people:) Ha ha, I'm a dork! Gotta love it.

This is Tyler - the Albertan and Tiff - the Manitobian, and Jer Penner's finger... all for the first ever photo that I took and kept with my new digi cam

Ange "the cat" Mandel

A Walk on the Wilde Side

A Walk in the Parkl - Coming to a Stage Near You!

Wait... your wings aren't grown yet!

Wait... your wings aren't grown yet!

A Couple of more Pics...

Some words from the front

Take that First Step...

Parlez Vous Francais... Encore?

Wait and be renewed...

Sacrifice

Housewarming...

A Poem from my Friend April...

Homeless...Revival....Canada

Something to Ponderosa

I'm just going to let myself cry...

It's called Breaking -up because...

LOVE

Stranger than fiction

Prayer

Tutor Ange to the Rescue

Guess what I had for Breakfast?

Envy

Leaves

This is how I feel today...

Today

Yesterday.

My boyfriend is amazing.

Reality

Ode to Amigos

Community...

White... Rock- Jacob and Lilly

Oregon- The Sand, the Surf, and the Sunburn

Mexico - mi amor, mi casa

Footloose and Fancy Free

You snooze... you cruise!

Crepes, Trees, and Dindins

Oh my word..

L'ille de Orleans...

Take me out to the ballgame!

Me like water...

L'observation Des Baleines- Whalewatching...

C'est l'amour!

La Cabine au Sucre

Frisbee Volante Extreme!

La Musee

Shopping and French Grace...

La Festival D'ete de Quebec

Chez Son Pere

This Past Week

Today... La Citadel, jeux de theatre, et CRASH

Worst feeling in the world...

Je suis arrivée!

Camp Alexandra

A Day at the Lake

We're on a river that ends...

Identity - unedited

Identity, An Exploration

6 entries found for identity… the 6th is mathematical, and therefore irrelevant

COME SEE MY PLAY!

Descriptive Draft Two

Wedding Bells are Ringing!

Victoria - where the cost of living is sky high...

Ever Notice how...

Surf Trip

Everybody goin' Surfin', Surfin' Tofino!

Top Ten RAD Things to Do at D-Fest

D-Fest 2006

DEATH CAB- HOT!

Hot Techies R' Us

So I didn't make it - this time...

"And, as in uffish thought she stood"

UCFV Theatre Geek is on the loose

Boundaries and Naomi...

Twangy Pop it is...

INTERVIEW STATUS: Complete

What is with this lately?

No Sleep till Brooklyn

Rain drops falling on my head...

LOVIN- Vacation - Not-so-much lovin' BRONCHITIS

6 entries found for identity… the 6^th is mathematical, and therefore irrelevant